Everyone's An Outsider

my story starts here. for latecomers arriving now, i offer a few words chosen at random: ”three weeks earlier”, “a pile of money”, “an english class”, “a house by the river”, “a romantic girl”. 

there is an ocean of indifference between us. this isnt your first lie either is it? now i am your accomplice. sometimes things are best hidden when in full view of everyone. its not only your looks but your happiness too. a minute of silence can be a long time…empires crumble but fools go on…

now is the time for a digression in which to describe our heros feelings

is the world becoming a dream or is the dream becoming a world? people on the train always look so sad and lonely. you long to believe in blue skies…its a feeling i know quite well. i am just the same as you. hurry up, death is too good for you! the WORLD is crumbling around me, cant you see it? isnt it strange how people never form a whole? they never come together. stay tuned…

(images from google and youtube)

WeekEND

His eyes were so hard, but could they help me? I can’t tell if this is true, or a nightmare. Definitely a nightmare. At this point, I’m not sure if I will ever wake up. Just drive and don’t stop. I will always have the right of way. Stay with me and i will make you regret it. Forget your sanity, you checked it at the front door. I can’t take this anymore. Certainly the exterminating angel will find me but i am going to stay quiet just in case. Everything is going wrong, who am I kidding? Freedom is violence and I’d rather stay silent forever than tell you the truth. It will always be you and me anyway, together, like bandits. I’ve had it with reality. I need to be asleep again. All I ever meet are crazy people. Poor poor pebble…stop punishing petty crime and big crime will die. This is not a novel…it is a film and a film is real, but WE know NO MORE than a little worm. Anyone who denies this is the most ignorant of all.

ACTION!

MUSIC!

When in doubt, just listen to Motzart…the perfect me, happily ever after, living in my own disaster. The horror of the bouguoise can only be overcome by more horror. Forgive me, I seem to be under the influence. GREETINGS ANCIENT OCEAN! Hello Arizona Jules Western Shoot-out! How happy I would be if you knew that this was just a novel with an unhappy ending…that’s how it always ends…bring on the weekend.

.MasculiN.FeminiN.

BANG

Human labor resurrects things from the dead. What is it you REALLY like about me? Is love really the center of your world? Most of the time I just want to be alone. If i said i loved you one day would it make you happy? Is my outlook on life defined by my generation or is my generation defined by my outlook on life? All these questions…please don’t become a pest. If this isn’t about love, desire, or sadness then what IS it about?

BANG!

There’s nothing left but a man, a woman, and an ocean of spilt blood. It all starts with skin. A mole has no conscience yet it burrows in a specific direction. Just leave me alone and let me go on being me. Do you REALLY love me? I’m being followed. I should have run faster.

PURITY IS NOT OF THIS WORLD

Only sleep can conceal me from myself now. 

DOWN WITH THE REPUBLIC OF COWARDS!

We truly are the grandchildren of Marx and Coca Cola.

(images from google)

Breathless

cars are for driving, not stopping, so dont stop now. dont you want to know the future? i am 10 seconds from hell, where are you? i can live without you but i dont want to. if i could dig a hole and hide away in it from everyone i would. i dont know if im unhappy because im not free or if im not free because im unhappy. you're always spying on me while i play sour apples. you're even crazier than me and im done playing for today. 

sometimes you look like a martian. 

i think i want you to love me but i also think that i want you not to. say whatever you want, its going in my book. im writing a novel. between grief and nothing i choose grief. BEWARE BEWARE BEWARE of shattered memories. its too late to be scared now.

You Look Lonely...

...but i have love, hate, action, violence and death. in other words, emotions. they keep me company. some days are just like that. to want something you have to be alive.

SILENCE

no one will ever know. ill do anything you want. i never thought id always want you…guys like you are always sorry but always too late. i feel alive now and thats all that matters. like shadows, like a mirror…i saw…nothing. ive decided never to fall in love again. its a disgusting habit. life may be sad but it is always beautiful.

FUCK ME

as long as im me and youre you the universe will hold us together. its too much like fate. cham cham ratatam…youre waiting for me but im not there. i only really exist for you. dont speak to me with words when i look at you with feelings. its funny how you never believe me. in the end the only thing of any interest is the paths people take. the tragic part is that even when they know where they are going and who they are everything is still a mystery. 

NEXT CHAPTER : DESPAIR

i just want to live, maybe im daydreaming…we no longer need mirrors to talk to ourselves. ITS A FINE DAY. we are made of dreams and dreams are made of us. ive never understood your loyalty. words have the power to disperse the shadows from the objects they name. your story ends here and i love you in my own way. always. 

(tender and cruel

real and surreal)

i wish time would stand S T I L L. im just a sentiMENTAL girl thats all. we were only together for a few million seconds so how am i supposed to know who you are? with you its so complicated. count to 137 then meet me in tahiti.

(image from google)

A Woman Is A Woman

according to godard. 

why are you crying? because i want to be both yellow animals at the same time…always wanting the impossible. i will take my drum and beat it. what are you thinking? i think i exist. im not the kind of girl to behave because i am BEAUTI-FUL. why is it always women who suffer? i despise you and i dont know whether to laugh or to cry. you think i am crazy but im not. tell me…is this a tragedy or a comedy?  

SHE EXITS.

im not speaking to you. im scared. i dont know whats true and whats a lie because your expression never changes. im always getting things wrong. the truth should look different from a lie. i could never hate you even if i tried. i only want you by my side but its not fair. its always when we are together that we are not together. i can be very cruel because i am BEAUTI-FUL.

FIN.

(images from google)